You Would Be 27 Years Old Today...

Eleven birthdays have now passed since you left us, & I can honestly say that as the years have passed I am no longer angry that you are gone, but I am still sad... I don't think there is any way to "get over" sad. The chunk of my heart that broke when you died is still broken, pieced together with a glue made up of memories, of smiles, & of good times and taped over with all the love a mother could ever have for her son.

You would be 27 years old today, twenty-seven years since the first time I held you in my arms and saw your beautiful face and through my tears of joy told your granny "It's a boy, Momma - I gave him a son" (meaning your real dad of course) - but you were MY son from that first day on, you were my reason to smile, my pride, my love, & You still are, Rog.

You'd be a man now, & instead of knowing, I have to wonder just what kind of man you would be- would you be a husband, a father, what would you have chosen to be? A football player (your dream), a musician (your secret I never even dreamed of til you picked up that guitar at the store and started playing "One" by Metallica and literally blew my mind), a coach, so many things you could be today instead of being a memory...

You were a hero to your baby sister, who now has her OWN baby and I know that you would be right there every minute you could stealing that sweet little girl away from her momma & that she would love you just as much as all of us do. You would be so proud of Amanda the "grown-up" - I know that I am. She is a fantastic Mom, a hard worker, and the best daughter a mother could ever hope for. She, too, has scars that will never heal from losing you so soon, but she bears them with courage and with pride. She's an amazing young woman, and the 2 of you are the best things I ever did in my life.

You blessed all of us with the privilege of knowing you and being part of our lives - those who called you friend were the luckiest people in the world, whether they knew it or not, but it was and is an HONOR to be the one who called you "Son" (or "brother", or "nephew", or "uncle", or "cousin").
I believe you are looking down from Heaven and watching over us all, I also believe that sometimes you are right here by my side when I really need you. I believe that the day will come that I see you again - those freckles, those eyes, that smile - & that I will be able to say all these things to you instead of about you...

Sometimes I don't think I can wait another day for that day to come... But I know that decision is not mine to make, when it is my time and the Lord calls me Home I know you will be waiting there to greet me & it will be as if we were never apart - until then I will hold you in my heart, my mind, and my memories and hope that somehow you can know how much you are missed and how much you are loved, by so many, still.

Happy 27th Birthday Roger Joseph Long
With all the Love I have,
Momma