Finding Ben Stiller

It was a game we used to play- LONG story, but in short, one of us would hide a photo of Ben Stiller somewhere where the other one would unexpectedly find it. She grew up, moved out of state and has a family of her own now- but this year when I went to mail the Christmas package, I thought of our game & got so tickled at the thought of her reaction if I sent her Ben Stiller, so I got her BF and his brother in on it, and was able to capture this video- her reaction was all the Christmas present I could have wanted,Some things are worth sharing, even the silly ones. I Love You my beautiful daughter, I needed to laugh like that, thanks for being YOU

On Respect & Pride and the Despicable Actions of the Ravens, Jaguars. Their Owners & Supporters

Dammit, just what I didn't need - something political to get pissed off over and start me ranting -- The display by the NFL "kneelers" was absolutely intolerable & despicable.

When I am in the privacy of MY OWN HOME and the anthem plays - even if I am the ONLY PERSON HERE I stop what I am doing and 

STAND FOR THE PLAYING OF "OUR NATIONAL ANTHEM" 

It doesn't matter that no one can see me, it is because I am PROUD to be a small piece of the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA - because I respect the soldiers who fought and died for us, & I respect the flag that represents us. I do it to HONOR our nation. 

"America - Love it or Leave it"

does anyone else remember that phrase? I grew up with it, I agree with it wholeheartedly.
These players showed the entire WORLD that we are not a UNITED nation, but a DIVIDED one, tearing itself to pieces from the INSIDE - it says to the world - "Just sit back, watch & wait - they (the USA) are easy prey" - a potentially dangerous face to present to a world that would LOVE to see us fall - because they have for so long envied us our freedoms, our strength, our prosperity & our temerity.
Shame on you - every last one of you - the players and management who support them, the fans who are cheering them for their disrespectful display - "America - LOVE IT OR LEAVE IT" - can you say "Bye Felicia" & start packing?? I SINCERELY HOPE SO!

At this point, I had thought I was finished, but then proceeded to read a statement by the owner of the jagu-offs (oops) jaguars- excerpts and my reactions to his "statement".

I saw this:

And immediately thought...
One of the most moronic statements I have ever heard -- & that is saying a LOT
Scene: An event being televised WORLDWIDE - 
Some standing in Honor & Respect, others kneeling to protest the display of Honor & Respect - exactly how is this supposed to signify unity or even potential unity? Is this guy for REAL??

Sadly it got worse...

He also said...

 "Our team and the National Football League reflects our nation, with diversity coming in many forms – race, faith, our views and our goals" 

Do you see where he says they REFLECT OUR NATION?!!? If this is what he or they think is a proper reflection of our nation, I for one say:
 You know what, you jag-ass? Take your reflection and stick it where it can't reflect on anyone else!
 OUR GOALS? To disrespect "OUR NATION" to the whole world? I don't know who the hell the WE & OUR is he refers to, but I damn sure am not one of them. Screw you jaguars, ravens, and anybody else who sees this as the PROPER way to "REFLECT OUR NATION" PLEASE go reflect someone ELSE'S nation with that mess.

Empty Your Trash Can!

Gonna tell a little story, some may find relevance in it to apply to their own lives or to the larger world in general, some may not. Either way...

My husband and I have 4 grown kids between us - for the most part, we see them a couple of times a year, or less - they are busy living their lives, as grown children are generally expected to do.

All, that is, except for one-

The one, we can just about expect to see him show up on the doorstep every few months- out of options yet again...

And this one is the most bitter person I have ever met. He carries a chip on his shoulder so big it is a wonder the sun ever shines on him. He has a list of grievances dating back to his earliest memories, a finger to point in every direction imaginable for every single wrong (real or imagined) that he thinks was done to him, and a finger in every direction for why he is back "this time" (every time) & not one time has that finger ever pointed to himself.
Not...once...EVER.

He carries a sense of entitlement that has no business being there- we taught all of our kids from early on that what you want in life you have to earn - but this one thinks that it's all supposed to just fall in his lap without having to put forth the slightest effort- because, he thinks, of all those past wrongs & grievances done to him...

Now my husband is not the most profound person in the world, at least not when it comes to practical advice - his approach is more along the lines of "Walk it off" or "Rub some dirt on it" (LOL) but a few months back when this (in his own eyes) poor, maligned soul was back for yet another pity party I walked in on a conversation that struck me because it was so unlike my husband and his usual gruff "get over it" manner. And because of that difference, the conversation has echoed in my head many times and I have started to see it as applicable to a LOT of issues & situations - so today I am going to share what he had to say.

In an attempt to get to the core of this young man's unhappiness my husband asked him to remember a time when he WAS happy - in response, he began his usual litany of what his co-workers, friends, brothers, strangers, & myself & my husband had done over the years to "ruin his life" & somewhere in the midst of all that blaming my husband said:
"Your problem is that you are carrying your past around in a trash can, son. You have been for years, & that trash can is filled to overflowing - has been for a long time. As long as you are carrying that can with you, you will never be happy. There is not any room to throw in one more scrap of bitterness or anger or blame, & at the same time there is no room around you for anything good. You are carrying the weight & the stench of all that garbage and people can see & smell it in the way you can smell an overflowing dumpster from down the street, and it turns them away. Sit that can down, dump it out, hell burn the damn thing & once all that garbage is gone, you will see your life get better."

To say my jaw hit the floor would be an understatement, I was awed by the simplicity of his words and how accurately those words summed up this young man's situation. So much so that I myself took a long hard look at my own trash can & gave it a good thorough dump-&-cleaning. So much so that I have begun applying it to the world around me, in just about everything from political differences, religious disputes, racial disputes, family disputes, you name it!
Genius emerges from simplicity!

Think of all the unhealed wounds that continue to fester is because of the echoes of the past. Get rid of it, I say! Yes, it is important to learn from history - but it is detrimental to continue to blame the past wrongs for a present situation - especially when those wrongs date so far back in time that there is not a living soul left who experienced them. Watch your life - your entire world - get better! What have you got to lose? After all, you only get one life, why waste it being bitter and angry about something that you have no control over, or that happened long ago?

Needless to say, this son of ours was too stubborn to follow this sound advice. In fact, in less than a year since the conversation took place, he has been back twice - I guess some people are determined to hold on to everything until the department of (mental) health comes in and condemns the area or until their walls cave in under the weight of all that garbage... hard for me to comprehend how anyone would rather be miserable and spend their precious time - and life is precious, as I said earlier, you only get one - trying to suck the happiness out of the lives of others to compensate for whatever they think was done to them, instead of finding some well-earned happiness all their own. I'm not saying that it will work for everyone. But those who sincerely try, I think will be well-rewarded. 

Karen Register
2017 - Sep - 12
https://spoiledrottenweilers.blogspot.com

From the Pit of Despair (just a piece of a work-in-progress)

When the walls around you are crashing down,
You're falling, but you don't want to;
So you claw till your fingers are blood and bone,
But there's nothing left to hold on to.
You realize that the world you thought that you knew
was nothing more than illusion,

And no matter how hard you try,
or how loudly you cry,
You can't wake from this nightmare delusion.

True becomes false, & light becomes dark,
You feel that you're losing your mind-

But it's too late to attack,
Once that knife's in your back-
And you realize you've always been blind.

My Husband - "Mr. (TOO) Nice Guy"

My Husband:

I love him, honestly, he's the greatest. We have been together almost 20 years now, and he is still just as amazing to me as he was in the early years of our relationship. We have known each other almost our whole lives, have a strong friendship base that goes long before "we" became an "us", & have stood firmly united through so many things I cannot even conceive a situation (other than the death of one of us) that could separate us... I'm lucky - & he is, too. We recognize this.

But...

There is one thing that drives me batty about him, & people who knew him in his younger days would never believe it -- 

he is TOO DAMN NICE! 

In his work, he has a lot of clients to deal with, & usually after a very short time of becoming acquainted, they start seeing him as a 'friend' - and some of them think that gives them an always-green light to intrude in to our private lives whenever they take a notion to do so...

The phone rings during dinner and someone is broke down on the side of the road, he's up out of his chair and halfway out the door to lend a hand, dinner half-eaten, evening blown to hell... 

Or,

He's finished for the day & in the shower and someone needs to see him 'just for a minute' - hours later, they leave - if we're lucky, I'm still awake and we get to spend a little time together before the next intrusion.

Drama seems to be inevitable with people he has business dealings with, seriously. And we are talking about grown-ups here, not teenagers, yet it is unbelievable the constant inflow of scenes like this:

Someone has heard that someone else said something about them.
(No, I'm not making this up!)

One of them finds out they have a common connection through my husband, who has had business dealings with both parties, and he is suddenly called upon to referee or moderate a dispute which has nothing to do with him or his business at all. He is pushed to 'take sides' or help the parties find a middle ground in areas outside of his business just to find a little peace. And I just shake my head in wonder at the immaturity and lack of boundaries...

Some other all-to-frequent aggravations are when 'Client X' is having some issue and can't afford to make a payment on time, so they just don't pay, without any prior notice or communication, & expect that he will work with them, never considering what the shortage might do to US & our own situation. So we are sometimes forced to stick it out and hope they eventually get back on track - and also hope they don't conveniently 'forget' about their obligations when they do.

And I have to say, sadly, women are the WORST. They apparently don't understand that he truly is that nice to EVERYONE, male or female- and that his willingness to lend a hand is not to be seen as a special interest, flirtation, invitation to a relationship, or anything of that nature, and that he (my husband) is not expecting OR seeking any offer of sexual favors from them. Seriously, he isn't... got that covered right here at home- thanks but no thanks.

In my desperation to find a solid, impenetrable line between work & home,I have honestly thought about contacting every client on his list and setting some boundaries about when it is NOT okay to call, what they should or should NOT expect to contact him about, & so forth, but it's really not my place. He runs his business, and I run mine. We help one another if needed, provide advice & support to each other, step in as 'boss' in the event of an emergency, etc... but our businesses are very different, & as far as clients go, we each do things our own way. And frankly, his way - which is so different from my way, sometimes has me ready to blow a gasket! 

My way is structured to where my clients know from the beginning that my family is my top priority, and the line between family and worked is not to be crossed. My way is restricted to set days & times that, in theory, leave ample time for family without causing anyone on the business side of my life to be inconvenienced. But I run a product-based business, while his is more service-oriented & the differences are worlds apart. And that factor alone creates plenty of chaos when my system collides with his. And it does collide, on a regular basis.

I have told my husband that one rule he needs to follow and be consistent with is this:
"Friends are friends, clients are clients; sometimes a friend may become a client, but usually it is NOT wise to turn a client into a friend".
And although he sees the wisdom, he has a hard time implementing this in to our everyday lives. Because he really has become this nice guy, and remembers times when he needed something and had all these 'friends' but NO one there to help, as well as the times when someone totally unexpected stepped up and saved the day. He remembers how it felt on both sides, especially when no one was there - so he tries way too hard to spare others from that feeling...

And maybe that would be okay if there weren't so many people out there who see niceness and empathy as a weakness that can be exploited to their advantage. I know there have been many times when a payment was not made because of some sad, sad story - only to eventually learn that said story was no more than a big, fat lie. When important things in the family side of our lives had to be postponed or even canceled altogether because of service calls that were supposed to be 'urgent' but really  weren't, tools and equipment that were loaned out but never returned, the list goes on and on and on.

I love this man, but sometimes I wish I could shake about half the 'nice' out of him - after all when 'nice guy' was a term no one would have dreamed of using to describe him, I was here. I'm in for the long haul & that is a fact. What I do get fed up with is the strain on a marriage when business gets put first. The times that are spent alone that we should be spending together, the hours, days, years that pass by without doing something we want to do together, whether it be big or small - because tools can be re-bought, clients can be replaced, loss of income can be eventually made up, but time - once it is gone you can never get that back.  When it is all said and done, I don't want the summary of our life together to be dominated by our careers, I want our relationship to be where the memories are plentiful and revisited with a smile, not with a sigh of regret for the could-have-been's and never-after's. And I know he wants the same, but somehow I have got to put a dent in his dedication before it can become a reality.

Now I just have to figure out HOW!

Theory of a Deadman - Say I'm Sorry (Lyric Video)