Tonight Americans Played Our "Trump Card" & WON!

Sitting here surfing the Web, FB, etc... reading rants and cries of outrage and threats to "leave the country" from people after tonight's election and shaking my head at some of the comments and the ugliness they expose -- I had decided to just celebrate quietly and smile but guess what? I CHANGED MY MIND! If your little feelings get hurt or you take offense in anything I am about to say, well, I think you know how to hit that little little "X" button on this tab, right? But I do hope you at least hear me out first, actually, no I don't, If you even think you are gonna get your panties in a wad, GTF OFF my page already... Now.. 

I am 49 years old, raised with my 3 siblings by a single parent in a small Florida town - and dirt poor does not even come close to what we were, ok? When I was 12 years old, I worked in the fields all summer long picking peppers, cukes, etc.. so that I could have new clothes for school and go to cheerleading camp because that was the only way it was gonna happen. I learned early that you work for the things you want in life, and at that young age I got to experience what it was like to feel pride in what I had because I earned it with my own sweat and effort. It was a good feeling. To me, hard work and the rewards from that work were the foundation of "The American Dream"

 No one ever gave me anything - as soon as I could get a "real" job after school, I went to work and was able to help my Mom cover the rent and buy my own car and to be able to help the woman who spent her life in a struggle to keep us fed and sheltered and clothed - and that was a wonderful feeling too. I tried to instill that same work ethic in my kids- as soon as they were old enough to hold a dust cloth, they had chore charts and allowances paid based on the completion and the quality of their work, and this continued throughout their teen years. That is how life is supposed to be, & I wanted my children to have that foundation so they could succeed in life and be able to stand proud for achieving that success. I also wanted them to know that the good things in life don't come easy and are not free for the taking.

It seems like so many people out there today find this notion ridiculous, acting like the world owes you something (or in some cases EVERYTHING) just because you exist... and when you don't get the free ride you wrongly think you deserve you get nasty and start name-calling, race and gender-bashing and having temper tantrums like obnoxious children spoiled by wealthy parents - YOU are what is wrong with our country today, those of you sitting there thinking the world owes you a free ride, and refusing to step up and take responsibility for yourselves.

You out there who fit this description have received encouragement from our so-called leaders the past 8 years to keep exhibiting this kind of behavior and have passed it on to others in your sphere of influence, YOU are the weak link in what used to be an unbreakable chain that held our country in a place of pride. I have watched while our so-called "leaders" made the US a laughingstock around the world as they kissed the asses of others who hate everything America stands for & stood patiently while those same countries, groups, factions, etc... spit on them for their efforts.

I have watched veterans of OUR armed forces and children of OUR citizens go hungry while people who hate us and will not even pretend they want to be Americans (or even LIKE Americans) waltz in and get handed free food, free housing, exemption from taxation, free medical care - fully encouraged by the so-called leaders who were protected and defended by that hungry homeless veteran who sits and waits for appreciation that was never gonna be given. It has angered me, disillusioned me, and more times than not physically sickened me to see such a blatant attempt at our country's destruction coming from within - not just inside our country but inside our government... and whenever people showed a sign of discontentment, that same government pointed fingers within our ranks and told you the blame fell on "them" - a broad term which has meant "law enforcement officers" and "the white people" or "the black people" or "the Christians" or the "heteros" or the "conservatives" - when it was not any of these or any other race, gender, sexual or religious group - actually it was a deliberate effort intended to turn us against one another and try to make us ignore the fact that it was those same leaders who were tearing apart the fabric of our nation. Vague insinuations, outright lies, and encouraging people to remain ignorant and divided have gone on long enough and tonight I see proof that we, the AMERICANS have had enough. FINALLY!

So if you are so angry and full of hate I encourage you to do what a lot of others like you are blustering about, pack up your stuff and leave this country - go to Canada, or Mexico or anywhere else - and see how that works for you. No other country in the ENTIRE WORLD allows foreigners to just waltz in and start reaping benefits that their citizens don't even get. No other country in the ENTIRE WORLD allows you to come in without following the procedures required to become a citizen of their country, spit on their rules and traditions and spew hatred and allow you to endlessly reap the benefits to be had.

We need to have a country we can be proud of again, and that means we need people here who LOVE AMERICA and WANT TO BE AMERICANS. People who desire the betterment not just of themselves, but those around them and are willing to work - together - to reach that goal. Tonight was a victory, no doubt about it. If you can't see this maybe you should wipe that layer of bullsh*t out of your eyes and look again. Of course you could also start packing...

Less Traffic on the Road Less Traveled

The world we live in today saddens me & often repulses me as well. Just saying this, I feel like one of the old folks from my childhood who sat around reminiscing about when gas was a nickle a gallon, but it goes so much deeper than the high cost of living (in monetary terms), & now in retrospect, I bet it did for those folks, too - I just never listened. The "cost of living" in today's world is high - and not just in terms of money- so high it is inconceivable.

In today's world, there is a sense of entitlement that I find ridiculous. So many people who honestly believe that the government, the world, hell even LIFE- owes them something... When in reality, none of us are owed a damn thing, life is given to us, & it is up to us what we make of it.

In a world like ours, nothing has value to these people - because they have not had to invest anything of their own to get it. Resources that cannot be replaced are being used up with no concern for generations to follow, material things are discarded without a thought, and emotional ties are trivialized to the point they are almost non-existent. Faith is mocked, family is mocked, life and what you make of it is a shadow of what it should be.

I am one of those who were cut from a different cloth. After life, nothing was ever "given" to me - everything I ever had I had to earn, whether it be material items or things of the soul & spirit & heart. And because I had to work hard to get what I rightfully call "MINE", I adamantly refuse to let those things be taken from me without my knowledgs or consent. That includes my faith, my husband, my family, my home, & all of it's contents.

God, by way of my parents, gave me life - but my own blood, sweat, & tears made that life what it is today. I value everyone & everything in it & would die or kill to keep what is rightfully mine.

Once upon a time, I was more naive and forgiving of those who would cross that line but the more time I spend in this world where so many believe that they should be handed everything for doing nothing, where morals & ethics no longer exist and one respects anything the more determined I become to hold on to what I have. 

I have spent almost 50 years becoming who and what I am, I have half of that time invested in raising my children, and 20 years invested in my marriage. My family is an investment of half my years on this earth, and in terms of value is priceless beyond your wildest imagining (in my own eyes and my own heart)- I will never back down or step aside when it comes to them, & you can be certain that they would never want me to. I don't know how many people can even comprehend the magnitude of this type of committment - not in this world where every kid has a different daddy & so many of those children are dropped off like puppies or kittens to be raised by relatives or even strangers... where partners in a relationship are changed from week-to-week, where the concept of "til death to us part" is just words that are said...

This is not the world of my choosing, but this IS the life I have chosen. I will do whatever it takes to keep this world & it's shortcomings from destroying any part of my life. I will do the best I can to make sure my faith, my morals, & my ethics are handed down to those who follow my bloodline, it is a harder road to travel, but hey, there is a lot less traffic!

Grow Up, Step Up - Boy do I Know a Lot of People Who Need to Pay Attention to This!

Be Still My Heart - Plan Three - (lyrics)

Wanted to share my lyric video of Plan Three's amazing song "Be Still My Heart" - using an old XP system w/ Office2007 made it a challenge, I forgot how much of the effects and transitions from PowerPoint would NOT carry over into a Windows MovieMaker file, the PPT is much better, but, 'til I upgrade my MS Office software, it's the way I gotta do it.
Please check out this lyric video on YouTube - likes, comments, criticisms, etc... are all welcome.
I want to do a LOT more of these, so be on the lookout if you like this one!
Thanks!

You Would Be 27 Years Old Today...

Eleven birthdays have now passed since you left us, & I can honestly say that as the years have passed I am no longer angry that you are gone, but I am still sad... I don't think there is any way to "get over" sad. The chunk of my heart that broke when you died is still broken, pieced together with a glue made up of memories, of smiles, & of good times and taped over with all the love a mother could ever have for her son.

You would be 27 years old today, twenty-seven years since the first time I held you in my arms and saw your beautiful face and through my tears of joy told your granny "It's a boy, Momma - I gave him a son" (meaning your real dad of course) - but you were MY son from that first day on, you were my reason to smile, my pride, my love, & You still are, Rog.

You'd be a man now, & instead of knowing, I have to wonder just what kind of man you would be- would you be a husband, a father, what would you have chosen to be? A football player (your dream), a musician (your secret I never even dreamed of til you picked up that guitar at the store and started playing "One" by Metallica and literally blew my mind), a coach, so many things you could be today instead of being a memory...

You were a hero to your baby sister, who now has her OWN baby and I know that you would be right there every minute you could stealing that sweet little girl away from her momma & that she would love you just as much as all of us do. You would be so proud of Amanda the "grown-up" - I know that I am. She is a fantastic Mom, a hard worker, and the best daughter a mother could ever hope for. She, too, has scars that will never heal from losing you so soon, but she bears them with courage and with pride. She's an amazing young woman, and the 2 of you are the best things I ever did in my life.

You blessed all of us with the privilege of knowing you and being part of our lives - those who called you friend were the luckiest people in the world, whether they knew it or not, but it was and is an HONOR to be the one who called you "Son" (or "brother", or "nephew", or "uncle", or "cousin").
I believe you are looking down from Heaven and watching over us all, I also believe that sometimes you are right here by my side when I really need you. I believe that the day will come that I see you again - those freckles, those eyes, that smile - & that I will be able to say all these things to you instead of about you...

Sometimes I don't think I can wait another day for that day to come... But I know that decision is not mine to make, when it is my time and the Lord calls me Home I know you will be waiting there to greet me & it will be as if we were never apart - until then I will hold you in my heart, my mind, and my memories and hope that somehow you can know how much you are missed and how much you are loved, by so many, still.

Happy 27th Birthday Roger Joseph Long
With all the Love I have,
Momma

My Menopause - A LONG Season in Hell

Menopause... No two stories are the same... Here's mine.

I swear, this has to be hands-down the worst experience a woman goes through - not just because of the inconvenience, but because NO TWO WOMEN HAVE THE SAME EXPERIENCE!! There is no manual, no place for expert advice (at least not accurate advice, anyway), and no way to take a pass on eventually dealing with it...
I will be 49 in September 2016. For me, it has been & continues to be a living nightmare for close to a decade now. I bet I am not the only one who feels this way, either. So let's compare notes, women! I'm gonna share my experience so far, and invite any reader who is as bewildered as I have become to comment with your own stories, if nothing else it may make some of us feel a little better!
I didn't really have anyone to talk to when my pre-menopause first started. My Mom died at 49 in 1993, and she was honestly the only older woman who I had for this type of thing. Most of my friends, co-workers, etc.. are either my age or a couple of years younger, so they didn't know any more than me...
My hot flashes started in my mid-late thirties, and at that time I honestly believed that was a GOOD sign- that maybe I would start & finish early -- HA HA!
The hot flashes I have are not restricted to what is referred to as "night sweats" - mine are unpredictable, day or night, awake or asleep, at home or somewhere else- they are easy to identify, a boiling heat starts in the core of my body climbing to my head and exploding - sometimes I can take a shower and before I even get a chance to dry off, I already need another one & feel like I never even got one to begin with. There is no pattern of predictability as to when to "expect" them, sometimes I may go weeks without a single episode, other times, I may have them multiple times a day for days running. (I refer to those times as "rolling hot flashes")- it may not seem like any big deal, if you have never had them- but if you have, you know just how bad they are.
My periods are also totally unpredictable now. From the first one I ever had (at 14) til the hot flashes started, I lived a charmed existence in this area. I was as regular as clockwork, one day of mild cramps before the start, one heavy day, then 2-3 spotty days and that was the end til the next month! Now is a whole different ball game, though. I may go 2-4 months and never have a period at all (which usually starts a celebratory feeling of HURRAH!! IT'S FINALLY OVER) - then I get hit with one that comes like a flood, so much pain the first 2-3 days I can barely function, so much flow I usually have to change & shower if I even stand UP - and these can go on for weeks without end. The longest one lasted 8 straight weeks, & I was so weak, anemic, & downright terrified that I went to the ER only to be sent home with no answers at all. These monster menses average 2-3 weeks & there is no guarantee of getting another multi-month break til it happens again, either. Christmas 2015 brought me a 3-week long hemorrhage - and then one week after it stopped, another one, even worse than that one started up.
The affect these damn things have on me- both physically and emotionally, are horrible. And in terms of emotions, I am more often than not, a wreck. I have thrown myself on the bed and cried til I am literally exhausted, had temper-tantrums like a spoiled child who didn't get their way, been so furious I just want to kill, and so miserable I wished I would die. My poor husband tries to deal with my insanity as best he can (and he is really great) but admits I scare him when I get out-of-control like this. And who could blame him, I scare myself!
Other problematic side-effects don't help, for example, I try to maintain a healthy diet, I get plenty of exercise, etc.. but cannot lose weight - and the "menopause belly" I have been working to fix for years is just disgusting to me. My self-image is so low I can hardly even look at my body - before this started, I had never been larger than a size 7-9, I have watched the body I took such good care to keep up go all the way to a 16-18 - even though I did not let myself get lazy or over-eat, or eat fatty food, empty calorie stuff, or anything of that nature. It is so discouraging to try so hard and achieve absolutely nothing.
I hear that menopause affects sex-drive differently, some women get highly charged, while others turn almost frigid... Since I am trying to be honest here, I have always been a sex-maniac. For real. And now, even more so than before, again, for real! I never get enough, no matter how much we are having. That could be considered a plus - except for the fact I spend so much time with the unnaturally heavy, long periods - the emotional roller-coaster moods, and the new insecurity because of the way my body looks. I do everything in my power to make sure my husband never sees me totally naked anymore, figuring that if I am disgusted by my appearance, he will probably be even MORE so. 
And how much longer will this miserable transition last??
NO ONE CAN SAY!
Officially, a woman has entered menopause when she has gone a full year (12 months) without a period. Well when in the HELL is THAT gonna finally happen?? 
NO ONE CAN SAY!
A dark period of life, surrounded by more questions than answers, an era of spare clothes, wild emotions, and frequent blocks of time where I do everything I can to avoid going anywhere, so that I won't have to embarrass myself anywhere public with sweat, blood, or tears. Becoming a bit of a hermit (I am usually a social extrovert) is also contributing to my mental instability- sometimes I fear that I may really be insane by the time I finish this transition.
And when a younger woman (or any man) tries to talk with me on the subject of my weight and body image, I just want to STRANGLE them when they start giving me the diet and exercise spiel because they really don't understand that has no relation to what my body is doing to betray me- it continues to do what it is doing IN SPITE OF ALL MY HARD WORK AND EFFORT!
Anyone who has found relief, given up, or just want to vent about YOUR own personal menopause experience, would love to hear from you.